Jan 12, 2012

My Little Despot

Sometimes, when I look at my oldest, MONSTA, I see an angel. The sweetest, kindest, quick-witted little thing this side of heaven. Even her cheeks are pasty and round like those cherub paintings.  Ah...sometimes.

But this week, it's become clear that, as she chooses a career path, Atrocious Dictator is not out of the question. It's all there. The ability to fly off the handle when provoked. The backtalk. The stomping. All classic markings of history's greatest dictators. (It must have sucked living in the apartment below lil' Hitler.)  

It's more than just anger, though.  What really makes her a strong candidate for ruthless ruler is her ability to turn the switch at a moment's notice. This, my friends, is the mark of a truly great bad guy.  One minute, she's pushing to see how serious we are about our philosophy of 'non-violent parenting', and the next, she's singing The Sound of Music to her little brother. Immediately, I think that she's seen the error of her ways and has had a change of heart. A wet-kiss apology can't be far behind.  Then it hits me:  she isn't sorry.  She singing to him so that when he's older, he'll join the fight to overthrow us. It's a risky, long-term strategy that, when I look into his new, glossy eyes, seems to be working. Last night, he glared at me..I think. She's already won him over, and he isn't even two months old.  

For the sake of our home, my family and, hell, the world, I hope that I can tamper back the inner-Stalin I see brewing inside my lovely little MONSTA.  But it won't be easy.  Only the perfect formula of hugs, time-outs,  and La La Loopsy gifts can be used to win this fight.  And fight we must.  The future security of humanity depends on it.  Or at least Astoria.


Note to self:  Idea for new screenplay - ala King Ralph, a little kid from Queens is crowned ruler of a small Asian country that her great-aunt was originally from.  But instead of ruling nicely, she turns into a ruthless, horrible warlord. She runs the workers and their economy into the ground by devoting all resources to the production of cotton candy and Barbies. Call it...DICTATOR TOT.  Dream casting: that kid from Jerry McGuire.  

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